Non-consensual sex means sexual violence. If someone says "no" to any type of sexual activity, they do not consent. But if someone doesn't say “no” out loud, that doesn’t automatically mean that they have consented to sex. If someone seems unsure, stays quiet, moves away or doesn’t respond – this is not consent. Many people who have experienced sexual violence find that they were unable to move or speak - this is a common reaction.
If someone is asleep, unconscious, drunk or drugged, they cannot consent to sexual activity.,If someone is threatened, bullied, pressured or manipulated into saying yes, this is not consent. If someone's not sure whether you are giving your consent for something sexual, they should check with you. If they can see or suspect you're not 100% comfortable or happy with what's happening between you, they should stop.
The Importance Of Consent
Consent to any sexual activity is pivotal to the reduction and prevention of sexual assault and coercion. Consent is a voluntary, sober, enthusiastic, informed, mutual, honest and verbal agreement. It is an active agreement and cannot be coerced. Consent is a process which must be asked for every step of the way; if you want to move to the next level of sexual intimacy, just ask! Consent is never implied and cannot be assumed, even in a relationship.
Just because you are dating a person does not mean that you have natural permission to have sex with your partner. A person who is intoxicated cannot give legally consent. If you are too drunk to make decisions and communicate with your partner, you are too drunk to give consent. The absence of a “no” does not mean “yes”. both people should be involved in the decision to have sex.
Communication, respect and honesty make sex and relationships better. Asking for and getting consent shows that you have respect for both yourself and your partner. Positive views on sex and sexuality are empowering. The idea of consent helps to question traditional views about gender and sexuality and asking for it eliminates the entitlement that one partner may feel over the other. Neither your body nor your sexuality belongs to anyone else but you! And it is normal and healthy for women to expect to be included in the consent process.
You should ask for consent before you act! It is the responsibility of the person initiating sexual activity to obtain clear consent. If you are unsure if consent is given, ASK! And keep asking; giving consent ahead of time does not waive a person’s right to change their mind or say no later.
Consent is not just about getting a yes or no answer, but about understanding what a partner is feeling. Ask open-ended questions, and listen to and respect your partner’s response, whether you hear yes or no: “I’d really like to.. how does that sound to you?” “How does this feel?” “What would you like to do?”
