Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity. Period. There is no room for different views on what consent is. People incapacitated by drugs or alcohol cannot consent. If clear, voluntary, coherent, and ongoing consent is not given by all participants, it’s sexual assault. There’s no room for ambiguity or assumptions when it comes to consent, and there aren’t different rules for people who’ve hooked up before. Non-consensual sex is rape. This article will explain the Consensual and Non-Consensual Sex.
Be careful not to make any assumptions about what is okay for your partner or have expectations about what they will do. Whether you’re getting closer and about to start having sex or you’re already ‘in the moment’, consent is all about communication.
Getting consent when you don’t know someone very well can be awkward as it can feel like you’re changing the mood… and with regular partners we can forget to check, instead assuming that they’re agreeing as they have in the past. But it’s important to keep communicating.
Saying “yes” now doesn’t mean “yes” in the future. Giving consent for one type of sexual activity, one time, doesn’t mean giving consent for going further or doing that type of activity again, or any sexual contact at all.
Agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t mean you’ve said “yes” to someone taking your clothes off. Likewise, giving or receiving oral sex with someone in the past doesn’t mean that you want to do that again or have any sexual contact at all with that person in the future.
You can say no or withdraw your consent at any stage, you don’t have to have a reason. The best way to know whether you’re both comfortable with any sexual activity is to talk about it, and get a very clear and enthusiastic yes.
Giving consent can look like this:
Asking your partner when you change the type or degree of sexual activity by saying, “Is this okay?” and getting a clear and positive response.
Clearly agreeing to certain activities, either by saying yes or something else that’s positive, likeI’m open to trying.
Using physical cues like letting out a sigh, reciprocating with a similar touch, looking your partner in the eye and smiling to let them know you’re comfortable taking things to the next level.
Giving consent is NOT this:
Refusing to hear when someone says “no” and carrying on.
Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for more.
Someone being under the legal age of consent.
Someone not having the freedom or capacity to make a choice because of drugs or alcohol.
Pressuring someone to have sex by intimidating them or making them feel scared.
Assuming you have consent because someone has given it in the past.
Even if you’re good at communicating with your sexual partners, sometimes it’s not clear what consent means in different situations.
